Wow this trip has been a wild adventure! I only hope I can remember all the magnificent details of this trip to share one day!!!
I proudly admit that I have failed in all my intent this Soul Journey. I left for this trip (which was supposed to last about a month) to help me discover some answers on my path and after 3 months I am still just as lost as ever…and a deeper hole to dig myself out of thanks to be only income being erased as well as all my hard work that apparently is only backed up by those stalking and following me.
I left for this trip with 650 dollars that was to pay for my gas money to make this happen. All else was to be paid by work I did along the way or things I sold on the road…I went from foraging for fish and weeds to eat over a campfire, doing work trade in campgrounds for a site to pitch a tent while trying to find a way to care for another person and dog with my lack of money I had and only supplies for one, painting sea shells and being GIVEN what I needed for my basic needs, like jackets, blankets, tents, towels, etc. to being treated like a princess in beach front condos, boats and more in several dozen locations….hanging out with Yale graduates and hookers, all in the same night….from poverty and lack to abundance and magic…MOST of my plans were changed abruptly on me where I had to practice going with the flow and being open to the magic…in a BIG WAY.
I have enjoyed most every minute of it…lol
Okay, actually I have enjoyed it all…
I have been able to enjoy some firsts in my life, conquer certain fears I have held for up to 27 years, reconnect with an estranged family member and help others reconnect with theirs…and make some really deep connections along the way with the strangers that were waiting for me when plans with my friends kept falling through…I have had friends and strangers alike to comfort me when the rug was pulled out from under me. I am very Blessed!!!
Yes, it’s been a magical ride, but again, I still do not have the answers I was seeking…the only truth I know is that I CAN’T keep doing things the way I have been doing them. I have sacrificed and dedicated WAY TOO MUCH OF MY LIFE in the spirit of service for others, leaving my own cup empty…and shattered.
If I had it my way I would be a life long volunteer. I never wanted to make money at it…or anything for that matter. But the reality of this earth at this time is that I must pay for a roof….just like you. I must also pay for power, gas, food, water, trash, etc….just like you.
I have decided that IF I go back to doing the show, I am going to need it to provide for me. I deserve sustenance too. My mission to be a life long volunteer is just a pipe dream and not very practical and cause for lot’s of headaches…
All those that keep saying they want me back need to start putting their money and talents where their mouths are if you REALLY want to see the show back…
This is what I need before I will consider coming back:
- A laptop that works…preferable a nice one that can handle all I do such as the show, videos, etc…and is secure.
- A wireless internet connection that will allow me to do it from anywhere.
- An income (regular donors or advertisers) so that I can eat too without having to rely on the kindness of strangers or me foraging for food which takes about all day to feed one self.
- Reliable tech and website maintenance.
- An assistant to help with booking shows, maintaining schedules, answering emails, social media, etc.
I have decided I am not wasting one more single dollar OR TEAR to put myself in this situation anymore. I and a couple of others have worked our asses off to provide the show for you for 7 years without an income. I have put myself out there to be shit on, stalked, harassed, slandered and ostracized from society, family and work possibilities leading to me not even knowing the purpose of life anymore or having much love for it. My time is not free, neither is the equipment to run it that keeps getting hacked in to and needs to be replaced every several months, as well as the technical support to do so, the internet and the electricity to run it…..
IF I am to continue with the show, the Universe is going to have to provide the way. I give up. It is not worth the struggle and the knowing that other people were hurt helping me to continue this for so long. Nor do I care to provide an opportunity for con artists, psychopaths, government hackers, infiltrators and cointelpro agents to practice their dirty deeds on well meaning people who have dedicated their lives to serving others.
I realize I might be asking for a lot, but please realize that you are also asking for a lot when you ask me to do this for you without compensation, alone.
If this is supposed to be my path, my Soul Journey then I trust it will come about somehow. If not, I pray the Universe shows me the way.
It is clear I do have value, I do have worth and I do have skills I love to share that people would also like to have…I need to learn to pay my bills with that now and stop spreading myself so thin.
I have enjoyed the adventures these years and all the wonderful people, star family that I have connected with because of it, but I’m done putting my life in jeopardy and draining myself.
Besides, I’m really not sure what I can teach anyone anymore. There are over 1000 archives of any topic known to me with SOLUTIONS about how to deal with each of the topics at hand from natural health, herbs, self healing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, essential oils, breaking free of all control, trauma, politics, and all around recipes for a more fruitful and healthful life that I have lived and led by example.
What else could I possibly talk about anyway…?
I believe we are better teachers with our actions and experiences, not by our words….anyone can talk words and the sad fact is that those trying to deceive you have much more polished words to tantalize and hook you anyway. I have no desire to compete with that…or anything for that matter.
IF people REALLY wanted the info they would go back to the archives and listen, rather than expect me to produce a new show each day…the info is already there. It’s not going away anytime soon since we found someone to pay for the sites and servers that were taken down last week.
In addition to the show and my hundreds of videos, I have planted seeds in other areas creating not GROUPS, but IDEAS that can be planted and nourished anywhere like Project Love Your Neighbor, Free the Boobies, and more…
I never intended to run or control anything, I only intended to create awareness and share my path freely to show you that ANYTHING can be overcome! ANYONE can heal if they choose. We CAN live a better freer life!!!
I feel I have done my job and the rest is up to you…
My hands are clean…………………..the Universe knows what I need and what my next step is even if I don’t.
What I do know is that I need to be compensated like everyone else is.
I have served graciously and all too eagerly over the years. I don’t owe anyone anything other than MYSELF a life of LOVE, PEACE and HAPPINESS. I relinquish any unconscious vows of service and poverty I may have made unconsciously in the past. IT’s time for me to accept equal value for my gifts.
Is a new and improved Soul Journeys Radio part of my Soul Journey…?
Guess we will find out.
Thank you all for being there for me. I have made some VERY DEAR friends as I consider you all my family whom I love very deeply…
I need to start loving myself as deeply as I have loved you.
Thank you for your patience and understanding and your support of my decisions however erratic they may seem.
I love you!
<3 <3 <3